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The lounging lizard poet of the floating world

Keith Hill

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Does humour belong in poetry? Does a tadpole belong in a martini? Recommended. — Gilbert Eion, Dark Times Review

New Zealand literature has no one like Keith. Always surprising, a genuine original. - Roger Horrocks, author of Song of the Ghost in the Machine

In part a Socratic interrogation of today’s biggest whatevers, elsewhere inspired by the incomparable Chilean antipoet, Nicanor Parra. Prepare to have your funny bone hit. Hard. — Don le Tissier, Backwater Quarterley

Like Marmite, a spread so admired by the poet’s New Zealand compatriots, these poems remain an acquired taste. But for those who enjoy a soupçon of tart social commentary, on-the-mark satire and (deliberate?) bathos, this collection is a must. —Tami Accion, Avian Express

There's real humour in places - something difficult to achieve in any writing. The collection offers an insightful and kaleidoscopic dissection of the modern world. It's an entertainingly timely invitation to wake up. - Hugh Major,
author of Idioglossia and The Lantern in the Skull

Is this book ticking? - Receptionist, Ministry for Culture
109 pages, 5.5 x 8.5 inches / 140 x 216 mm
ISBN Paperback: 9780995120488

The poet has spent most of his life mooching around. Seeking inspiration, he attended a celebrated writing course, but was soon noticed and ordered to leave. He won a prize once, but left it on the bus and never saw it again. The poet accepts children are required to continue the species, but let's face it, how many more do we need? The poet has spent way too many years staring into his shadow. Sad.
Sample poems
What is an antipoem?

An antipoem is icecream
in a cone balanced on its sharp tip
on the road to Bulawayo
on the hottest day of the year
that stubbornly refuses to melt.

An antipoem is a shadow
that decides to take the day off
books an Uber hops a plane
and ends up in the Himalayas
posting blank selfies of the view.

An antipoem is a baby
that doesn’t want to be born
but when it finally arrives
it’s smoking a cigar and making
plans for the coming devolution.

An antipoem is a ticking book
delivered to the Ministry for Culture
but after the bomb squad
blows it up they only find cogs
from 20 wind-up sonnets.

An antipoem is an invitation
to a wedding where the mothers-in-law
are smirking the best man won’t say
what’s happened to the bride
the celebrant has drunk the champagne
and no one believes in marriage anyway.


The poet overdoses on cheese burgers passes out
and when he wakes thinks he won the election.

The poet walks down the street waving to the crowds
then has a tantrum because he needs great lighting.

The poet demands a contest so only someone
who really deserves it is able to reach his corner.

The poet knows his corner is the best in the world
because he’s standing there tweeting progress.

The poet can’t believe how crazily the world is
behaving now he’s the most voted-for ruler ever

The poet is amazed no ruler has been so rulerish in
the history of rulers in a world now entering peak rule.

The poet feels queasy throws up tweets news he
did so is fake and orders another round of burgers.


The poet attends talks by New Age adepts and
political strategists and learns he creates reality.

The poet realises he can say and do what he likes
because he is the source of how reality is.

The poet blinks and the world’s lights go out
opens his eyes and they come back on again.

The poet walks down the street blinking out
everything he hates that clutters his view.

The poet leaves ice cubes outside for later
because if he says they won’t melt they won’t.

The poet looks in the mirror and sees an astute
philosopher who is the measure of all things.

The poet opens his mouth and insects pour out
devouring everything that already isn’t there.

The poet as agony aunt (excerpts)

Dear Aunty Poet, I have become disillusioned with dating apps. Their recommends just don’t work for me. But I want to meet the right one. Do you have any advice? Lovelorn.

Dear Lovelorn—
Big data concludes finding love
ultimately comes down to numbers.
Many treat dating like buying a ticket
in Saturday night Lotto
although they know the odds
of scoring a winning date are equivalent
to being bitten by a shark.
We support the popular alternative
of kissing an awful lot of frogs.
Consider accepting webbed feet.

Dear Aunty Poet, My parish priest is a keen gardener. He has invited me to visit his house and view his Bower of Delight, which he says is a garden filled with many different flowers’ scents. Being with him makes me glow. Then I think of what others will say, particularly my husband. Should I go? Confused.

Dear Confused—
The priest directs us at the heavens
but his feet remain on the ground.
You say his words cause you to glow
yet your life remains a question mark.
Pick up that question mark
use it to sweep away life’s incidentals
then hang it in the closet.
Does it extend down to the floor?
Or is it so small it is hardly visible?
Has it dripped dry?
Does it need starch?
What does it lack that you
are considering the priest’s offer?
And what might you lose if he
leads you up the garden path?
There comes a time in life when
these questions must be asked.
Remember you have other options.
Try opening the door in your
shadow and stepping through.

2018: They made it fun (excerpt)

Improving technology and millennials’
changing expectations of work and family
are giving rise to a new office
arrangement—the coliving/coworking space
often on the beach but always far away.
It’s like WeWork meets an upgraded hostel
(in paradise) with free coffee fast internet
a kitchen and quiet spaces while supplying
the serendipitous meetings and experiences
today’s digital nomads demand.

18-year-old De’Lindsey Dwayne Mack
was shot and killed outside his school.
De’Lindsey had an alternative persona
on his Instagram page which his family
didn’t discover until after his death.
A family friend said the teen posted
pictures of himself with money and guns.
“He was a soft kid
who wanted to be hard.”

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Looking for man who is 30–45
tall healthy and smart.
Must be comfortable with strangers
able to play endless hours of frisbee
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Must have a good job be either
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